dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
