I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
