yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
