Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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