Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
