He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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