i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
