The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
