Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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