Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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