apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
