I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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