We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize