We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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