Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
