No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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