you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
