I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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