puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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