hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize