so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My breasts were aching with rage.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
