I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
