We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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