and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
