i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
