My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
