cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize