My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
