Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
