Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
