Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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