I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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