he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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