I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
