I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
