I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize