so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
