You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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