My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
