i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
