Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
