Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
