you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
