This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
