She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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