It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
