The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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