Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
