she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
