...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize