If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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