Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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