he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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