what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize