did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
