Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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