The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
