So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
