i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
