yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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