I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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