Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
