Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
