it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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