So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
