You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
