her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
