i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
